For A Happier New Year...

look back to move forward

Hope springs eternal in the human breast: Man never IS, but always TO BE blest. -Alexander Pope

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -
- Emily Dickinson

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In lieu of my usual Monday morning note on the art, science, and philosophy of helping relationships, I want to offer a simple but powerful exercise that can contribute to making the new year a happier one. It’s called a Past-Year Review, and it takes less than an hour to do. Think of it as an annual ritual the guiding spirit of which is, “Out with the bad and in with the good!”

The name aptly reflects the idea, which is that looking back helps us move forward. In this sense, a past-year review is like psychotherapy, which works from the assumption that exploring our past (and in particular our early childhood experiences) can help brighten our present-day lives. When appropriate, I offer this exercise to patients, who often find it valuable. As one man said, “Good values clarification!"“

Should you decide to give it a whirl, I suggest paying particular attention to what shows up in the negative column—to the people, activities, and events that did not bring you more vitality and joy. From my experience, a great step toward a brighter new year is to become aware of what is a “No”, and what is an enthusiastic “Yes!” As you comb through your past year, look for what (and who and where and when) you wish you’d said no to—and make sure you actually say no this year! This makes more room for the yeses.

I learned about this exercise from Tim Ferriss’s blog post on it. Here is how he suggests going about it.

1. Grab a notepad and create two columns: POSITIVE and NEGATIVE.

2. Go through your calendar from the last year, looking at every week.

3. For each week, jot down on the pad any people or activities or commitments that triggered peak positive or negative emotions for that month. Put them in their respective columns.

4. Once you’ve gone through the past year, look at your notepad list and ask, “What 20% of each column produced the most reliable or powerful peaks?”

5. Based on the answers, take your “positive” leaders and schedule more of them in the new year. Get them on the calendar now! Book things with friends and prepay for activities/events/commitments that you know work. It’s not real until it’s in the calendar. That’s step one. Step two is to take your “negative” leaders, put “NOT-TO-DO LIST” at the top, and put them somewhere you can see them each morning for the first few weeks of 2022. These are the people and things you *know* make you miserable, so don’t put them on your calendar out of obligation, guilt, FOMO, or other nonsense.

I wish you a happy new year. And thanks for reading! If you haven’t already, I hope you’ll consider subscribing to this free weekly note.